Happy Fourth of July! Our town had their fireworks last night and they were better than they have been in years! We had friends over for pizza - how patriotic, and then went to the fireworks together. My Mom stayed with Justin because it was his bedtime and I was not sure how he would react. Brian loved them and Sean was a bit scared. He loved them last year though. He has a thing about fire lately and I think the term firework had him a little freaked out. He didn't cry or anything, just laid down on the blanket and covered his ears. He wouldn't even look at them!
Justin was fourteen months old yesterday! Yikes! Let's see - he is getting the top molars and the bottom ones are still hard, painful looking lumps. He has a new trick - climbing up on the couch by himself. He is working on perfecting the temper tantrum. He makes a beeline for any open door or gate. He eats crumbs off the floor without his hands like the dog. He loves music and doing the baby bend your knees dance. He is nursing only first thing in the morning and last thing at night. He is still eating baby food because he won't sit still long enough to get enough solids in. HE doesn't say too much. He loves to throw his bottle when he is finished drinking. He loves to open and close things. He loves to put things in something and then take them out - over and over and over again! He love his little net from the bathtub - the in and out part of it!
He loves fruit and whines for blueberries and grapes from the fridge. He loves his monkey rattle and carries it around all the time. He loves to swing high, be 'roughed up", and wrestle! He loves to be outside and to run in the sprinklers. He loves to hand me things so that I can open them for him. He loves to drop food and then stomp it into the carpet. He loves to splash - even in toilet water and dog bowls. He loves to smile and laugh. He loves to eat mini marshmallows - those are nor fun to clean out of the carpet. He loves to go for bike rides and walks. He loves to make fishy faces. He loves to smack the spoon full of food right before I get it into his mouth. he loves mac-n-cheese. He loves to be chased. He loves life!
Saturday, July 5, 2008
Thursday, July 3, 2008
South Korea Adoption
I have had a few questions over the past month or so - some in person and some through comments on the blog and e-mails. So I will try to answer them all in on place! I you can think of any others, please post them in the comments or send me an e-mail!
1. When will you get a referral?
We are thinking it will come about April or May 2009.
2. When will your daughter be coming home?
Our best guess is late summer/early fall of 2009, so a little over a year from now.
3. Why does it take so long until you can travel?
Well, I will explain that more after we get a referral but there a lot of steps for immigration, passport and visa. Each step has paperwork to be filed and approved and then sent onto the next place, most of which is by regular mail. The process takes about 4-6 months.
4. How old will she be?
South Korea, for years, has tried to increase domestic adoption. So, in order to make more children available for domestic adoption, they do not allow babies to be referred for international adoption until they are five months old. Most babies are around 5-7 months old at referral. Most arrive home at about 10-12 months old.
5. How much notice will you get before referral and travel?
We will get no notice before referral, we have a general timeline but beyond that it will be a surprise phone call. I cannot wait for that day! We will have a little more idea when the travel call is coming because we can track some of the paper work. We can probably narrow it down to within a few weeks, but again the actual day will be a surprise! I cannot wait for that day either! I believe that when we get the travel call, we have about two weeks to get to Korea, but I know I will never be able to wait that long!
6. Do you know who the birth mother is?
No, I have no idea and will probably never know who she is. The thing I do know is that she is pregnant with our baby-to-be right now. Somewhere a few time zones away, our daughter's heart is beating and her legs are kicking. It is so neat for me. Yet at the same time I realize that the birth mom must be so scared and be fighting with a huge decision. Birth mothers can make an adoption plan for their baby before or after birth, but no matching takes place until the baby is five months old. (It may be sooner if the baby is adopted domestically in Korea.)
7. Will your daughter ever be able to find out who her birth mother is?
That depends. I can send letters and updates to our adoption agency and they can forward them to the agency in Korea. That information will be put in a file. The birth mom can, at any time, go to the agency and ask if anything has been sent. If she chooses she may also leave notes or pictures for the baby. When our daughter is old enough we can ask if anything was left for her. I don't think it happens too often, but there is a chance. There is more of a chance for her/us to have correspondence with the foster family.
8. Is there any certain criteria they use in determining which child will be placed with you, or does it just happen when your name is next on the list?
There is a great effort made to match individual children with families. There is kind of a list which is kept in chronological order, but the fifth person on the list may get a referral before the first. I have heard that they match based on personality, family dynamics, special needs and medical concerns. We had a huge list of medical issues that we had to agree or not agree to. Also, some agencies allow you to pick the gender in certain circumstances. We were allowed to request a girl because we have two or more boys in our home already; the other time you can request a girl is if you have previously adopted a boy from Korea in the past. Everyone that I talk to says that the child they were matched with is a perfect fit!
9. How much does it cost?
These amounts vary from agency to agency and from state to state. I think we will have spent about $25-30,000 by the time the adoption is finalized. A big lump of the cost is paid to Korea. This money is used for medical care and necessities for those babies still waiting to be matched with families. It also goes to help support the foster parents.
10. Why are there so many babies available? Why are there more boys now?
Korea is very different from the United States. They are on par with things like technology and medical treatments. But it is still a male driven society. Family lineage is very important. A single young woman who is pregnant or has a baby outside of marriage can be shunned by her family, unable to get a job, denied from renting an apartment and ostracized by society. They almost have no choice except adoption if they are to have any kind of life for themselves. It is not even a matter of money and resources.
Domestic adoption is increasing every year and the Korean government is giving incentives to families that adopt. The goal of the government is to eventually phase out international adoption. Since Korean society is patriarchal, all lineage is tied to the man's family. When a woman gets married she inherits her husbands lineage. Adopting a daughter gives her a chance to have this when she marries. An adopted son would have no family name or register and would have a much harder time in society.
11. What are you doing now?
Right now we are what is called "officially waiting" or the term I like "paper pregnant!" We have to file our I-600A which is the immigration pre-approval. We will do that in early August. That form takes about 8-12 weeks to approve. When we get the approval, we should be about half way through the wait! Cannot wait to start crossing more things off the list!
12. Do you have a number on the waiting list?
No, not with our agency. See question #8 for more details. We do get a monthly e-mail update from our agency with recent time lines, which month(s) they are up to with referral and which month(s) they are up to with travel calls. For example, it will say the current time frame from application to placement is X amount of months and we have assigned families for girls though X month and for boys though X month. Then it will say families through X month have received travel calls. (I am not allowed to post specific information here or on any other public forum.)
1. When will you get a referral?
We are thinking it will come about April or May 2009.
2. When will your daughter be coming home?
Our best guess is late summer/early fall of 2009, so a little over a year from now.
3. Why does it take so long until you can travel?
Well, I will explain that more after we get a referral but there a lot of steps for immigration, passport and visa. Each step has paperwork to be filed and approved and then sent onto the next place, most of which is by regular mail. The process takes about 4-6 months.
4. How old will she be?
South Korea, for years, has tried to increase domestic adoption. So, in order to make more children available for domestic adoption, they do not allow babies to be referred for international adoption until they are five months old. Most babies are around 5-7 months old at referral. Most arrive home at about 10-12 months old.
5. How much notice will you get before referral and travel?
We will get no notice before referral, we have a general timeline but beyond that it will be a surprise phone call. I cannot wait for that day! We will have a little more idea when the travel call is coming because we can track some of the paper work. We can probably narrow it down to within a few weeks, but again the actual day will be a surprise! I cannot wait for that day either! I believe that when we get the travel call, we have about two weeks to get to Korea, but I know I will never be able to wait that long!
6. Do you know who the birth mother is?
No, I have no idea and will probably never know who she is. The thing I do know is that she is pregnant with our baby-to-be right now. Somewhere a few time zones away, our daughter's heart is beating and her legs are kicking. It is so neat for me. Yet at the same time I realize that the birth mom must be so scared and be fighting with a huge decision. Birth mothers can make an adoption plan for their baby before or after birth, but no matching takes place until the baby is five months old. (It may be sooner if the baby is adopted domestically in Korea.)
7. Will your daughter ever be able to find out who her birth mother is?
That depends. I can send letters and updates to our adoption agency and they can forward them to the agency in Korea. That information will be put in a file. The birth mom can, at any time, go to the agency and ask if anything has been sent. If she chooses she may also leave notes or pictures for the baby. When our daughter is old enough we can ask if anything was left for her. I don't think it happens too often, but there is a chance. There is more of a chance for her/us to have correspondence with the foster family.
8. Is there any certain criteria they use in determining which child will be placed with you, or does it just happen when your name is next on the list?
There is a great effort made to match individual children with families. There is kind of a list which is kept in chronological order, but the fifth person on the list may get a referral before the first. I have heard that they match based on personality, family dynamics, special needs and medical concerns. We had a huge list of medical issues that we had to agree or not agree to. Also, some agencies allow you to pick the gender in certain circumstances. We were allowed to request a girl because we have two or more boys in our home already; the other time you can request a girl is if you have previously adopted a boy from Korea in the past. Everyone that I talk to says that the child they were matched with is a perfect fit!
9. How much does it cost?
These amounts vary from agency to agency and from state to state. I think we will have spent about $25-30,000 by the time the adoption is finalized. A big lump of the cost is paid to Korea. This money is used for medical care and necessities for those babies still waiting to be matched with families. It also goes to help support the foster parents.
10. Why are there so many babies available? Why are there more boys now?
Korea is very different from the United States. They are on par with things like technology and medical treatments. But it is still a male driven society. Family lineage is very important. A single young woman who is pregnant or has a baby outside of marriage can be shunned by her family, unable to get a job, denied from renting an apartment and ostracized by society. They almost have no choice except adoption if they are to have any kind of life for themselves. It is not even a matter of money and resources.
Domestic adoption is increasing every year and the Korean government is giving incentives to families that adopt. The goal of the government is to eventually phase out international adoption. Since Korean society is patriarchal, all lineage is tied to the man's family. When a woman gets married she inherits her husbands lineage. Adopting a daughter gives her a chance to have this when she marries. An adopted son would have no family name or register and would have a much harder time in society.
11. What are you doing now?
Right now we are what is called "officially waiting" or the term I like "paper pregnant!" We have to file our I-600A which is the immigration pre-approval. We will do that in early August. That form takes about 8-12 weeks to approve. When we get the approval, we should be about half way through the wait! Cannot wait to start crossing more things off the list!
12. Do you have a number on the waiting list?
No, not with our agency. See question #8 for more details. We do get a monthly e-mail update from our agency with recent time lines, which month(s) they are up to with referral and which month(s) they are up to with travel calls. For example, it will say the current time frame from application to placement is X amount of months and we have assigned families for girls though X month and for boys though X month. Then it will say families through X month have received travel calls. (I am not allowed to post specific information here or on any other public forum.)
Wednesday, July 2, 2008
Daihatsu Invasion?
It was a very strange night for me. Went out to do a few errands and didn't travel much more than ten miles from home. On the way there I saw two Dihatsu Hijet trucks and on the way home I saw one. And all three of them were on the back of a bigger truck. I know what you are thinking, and no, they were all different trucks on the back, and different trucks hauling them. I know I have seen them on TV, but I don't think I have ever seen one in NJ, let alone three in the span of a few hours within ten miles of my home! And yes I could read Diahatsu off the back of the truck but I had to Google the Hijet part of it! Upon further Google reading, I find out that they are apparently illegal to drive in the United States, except for off road. I guess that is why they were all on the backs of other trucks! Any other sightings lately?
Tuesday, July 1, 2008
ICLW and a Meme
Mel at Stirrup Queens has done it again - IComeLeavWe (ICLW). This time it is International Comment Leaving Week, not month. Go on over to Mel's blog and sign up! Click on the link above or on the button on my sidebar! You know you want to! You have thru July 20th to sign onto the list. The each day from July 21 - July 28, you have to read and comment on five different blogs and return one comment left on your blog. You will get to read tons of new blogs and receive lots of comments. And if you are really ambitious - read and comment on each blog on the list and receive Iron Commentor status!
**************************************
I was tagged by T & W at Our Journey to Sophie for a meme. They are getting really close to being matched with their daughter from China!
This means that I must come up with something creatively unique in just 6 short words - summing up my life at this current state. Here goes it -
School's out, busy boys - and Mom.
or
Two months down, hurry up baby!
Birds and Bees, Oh My!
Yep, leave it to another kid to get my kids asking the big questions. I was taking their friend K home from swim lessons this morning. K is a bit jealous of Brian and Sean for having "such a cute baby brother like Justin." K has a little brother but he is four years old and not so cute anymore. K has told me numerous times that he wishes for a baby brother, not a kid like the one he has. K's parents tell me to not even joke about it, so I would say K has no chance.
Today, Brian was telling K that not only does he have a baby brother, but that he is getting a baby sister soon too. K doesn't believe him at first.
K - Brian and Sean's Mom, is Brian getting a sister?
Me - Yes.
K - Are you pregnant?
Me - No.
K - Do you know you are going to get pregnant soon? (I wish it was that simple)
Me - No. We are adopting her.
K - Oh, 'cause your belly didn't look too big. (gee thanks!)
K - Um, were you pregnant with Brian, and Sean, and Justin?
Me - Yes, they grew in my belly, just like you and B grew in your Mom's.
Brian - How do babies get in girls' bellies anyway?
Me - Oh, they just do.
Brian - How? (darn that inquisitive boy!)
Me - When a Mom and Dad love each other very much sometimes a baby grows.
Brian - Oh.
K - How do you know it is in there?
Me - (ugh) Uh, you go to the doctor. (and pee on a stick 900 times, have 20 blood tests and 7 vaginal ultra sounds and at the same time try not to totally lose it)
Brian - How do you know when to go.
Me - Oh, girls just know!
Brian - Remember when you had two babies in your belly? Why did one die?
Me - (deep breath and a sigh) Yes, I remember that baby all the time. I don't know why....
Finally got to K's house and then the conversation turned to a play-date! Phew! I think I dodged a bit of a bullet there. Good thing the ride wasn't any longer, although a few minutes shorter would have been even better. Luckily no more birds and bees questions today. Why in the world do they call it 'the birds and the bees' anyway?
Watched Jon and Kate later and they were watching an animal show for movie night! I had to laugh when they told the kids that the mating animals were playing piggy-back rides! I might have to remember that one!
Today, Brian was telling K that not only does he have a baby brother, but that he is getting a baby sister soon too. K doesn't believe him at first.
K - Brian and Sean's Mom, is Brian getting a sister?
Me - Yes.
K - Are you pregnant?
Me - No.
K - Do you know you are going to get pregnant soon? (I wish it was that simple)
Me - No. We are adopting her.
K - Oh, 'cause your belly didn't look too big. (gee thanks!)
K - Um, were you pregnant with Brian, and Sean, and Justin?
Me - Yes, they grew in my belly, just like you and B grew in your Mom's.
Brian - How do babies get in girls' bellies anyway?
Me - Oh, they just do.
Brian - How? (darn that inquisitive boy!)
Me - When a Mom and Dad love each other very much sometimes a baby grows.
Brian - Oh.
K - How do you know it is in there?
Me - (ugh) Uh, you go to the doctor. (and pee on a stick 900 times, have 20 blood tests and 7 vaginal ultra sounds and at the same time try not to totally lose it)
Brian - How do you know when to go.
Me - Oh, girls just know!
Brian - Remember when you had two babies in your belly? Why did one die?
Me - (deep breath and a sigh) Yes, I remember that baby all the time. I don't know why....
Finally got to K's house and then the conversation turned to a play-date! Phew! I think I dodged a bit of a bullet there. Good thing the ride wasn't any longer, although a few minutes shorter would have been even better. Luckily no more birds and bees questions today. Why in the world do they call it 'the birds and the bees' anyway?
Watched Jon and Kate later and they were watching an animal show for movie night! I had to laugh when they told the kids that the mating animals were playing piggy-back rides! I might have to remember that one!
Sunday, June 29, 2008
Mel's Show and Tell
These photos were taken last Tuesday. My show and tell is that I had seven kids ages seven and under in my house - all day long! Brian and A are seven, K is six, Sean is 4, T is two and a half, M is two, and Justin is 13 months. Oh, and all the kids were boys except for M - par for the course around here! The trick was to keep them busy and to keep a close eye on them! The boys had a blast with all the kids to play with! If you have something to share - click on the Show and Tell button on the sidebar of my blog!
M and Justin
Brian, Sean, A, T and K
M and Justin(I had hard time getting them in the same shot!)
Saturday, June 28, 2008
Saturday is for Scategories (2)
Thanks again Calli!
SCATTERGORIES - it’s harder than it looks! Play here or play on your blog. Saturday is game day!
Take the first letter of your favorite color and answer to the following:
1) What is your favorite color? blue
2) Something you would poke? buttons
3) Something you would reheat? blueberry pie
4) Something you would carry in your purse? baby wipes
5) Something you would recycle? bottle
6) Something you would scream if being attacked? Bahhhhhh!
7) Something you are wearing right now? boogers (baby has a cold)
8 ) Something that would make you blush? bare naked people
9) Something that would cure a bad day? beer
10) Something that you would photograph at the zoo? baboon
SCATTERGORIES - it’s harder than it looks! Play here or play on your blog. Saturday is game day!
Take the first letter of your favorite color and answer to the following:
1) What is your favorite color? blue
2) Something you would poke? buttons
3) Something you would reheat? blueberry pie
4) Something you would carry in your purse? baby wipes
5) Something you would recycle? bottle
6) Something you would scream if being attacked? Bahhhhhh!
7) Something you are wearing right now? boogers (baby has a cold)
8 ) Something that would make you blush? bare naked people
9) Something that would cure a bad day? beer
10) Something that you would photograph at the zoo? baboon
Friday, June 27, 2008
Time, Time, Time
I was talking to my mom today and the conversation was about how I feel like I can never get all the things done I want to in a day, or a week for that matter, well except NCLM! I asked, "How did you do it all?" I don't remember our house ever being as messy, or wash piling up like mine does. Then again I was looking at things through a child's eyes. Don't get me wrong, I love being a stay-at-home-Mom, but some days I do feel like I am digging a huge hole and the sides just keep sliding in.
My Mom laughed and said times were so different. Kids were not involved in so many activities. My Dad didn't work sixty hour weeks like Brian does. There were no cell phones or internet. She didn't blog, or have about thirty or more blogs that she liked to read. There were not as many toys in our house, and not as many to choose from in the stores. There were no digital cameras and pictures to download and organize. There were not a million channels on digital cable and DVR capabilities. No DVD's, I think we got a VCR when I was in junior high and my parents mistakenly when with the beta VCR! All of these new electronic fun things also come with more bills to pay each month - cell phone, internet, i-tunes etc. Each little of the little things adds up to more time spent.
My Dad is a neat freak, Brian not so much. I have three kids and soon to be four, my Mom had two. I also babysit between two and four kids each day in addition to my three! My Mom had nothing to list on ebay and Craig's list. And nothing to spend time looking for things to buy on those sites. We didn't have a dog growing up, well after I was about age 4. My Dad had off weekends, Brian works all weekend. She didn't believe in balancing her check book, I take the time to balance it to the penny each month. I think the list could go on and on....
I guess some of it is a change of times and other parts can be attributed to different personality types. I need to get on a more organized schedule and need to figure out how to get more done each day - and still sleep a few hours! I used to plan meals for the week, and have no idea why I stopped that. I also used to have the cleaning and wash in a schedule to follow. If I kept to the schedule I would only have about a half-hour to and hour of house work per day and my house would always be clean. Here is my schedule for an example:
Sunday -vacuum downstairs, dust downstairs, cut coupons from paper, balance checkbook and pay bills for the week, sweep kitchen floor, wash bathroom rugs and kitchen rug (bi-monthly)
Monday - collect trash in the house, sweep and mop kitchen floor, clean upstairs bathroom, straighten kitchen drawers and cabinets
Tuesday - vacuum downstairs, wipe baseboards and woodwork, clean downstairs bathroom, clean microwave and toaster oven
Wednesday - sweep kitchen floor, dust upstairs, vacuum upstairs, laundry, organize pantry
Thursday - vacuum downstairs, dust downstairs, clean upstairs bathroom, clean out foyer closet and storage shelf (monthly)
Friday - sweep and mop kitchen floor, vacuum steps, clean downstairs bathroom, clean out refrigerator
Saturday - clean kitchen counters, clean stove, wash sheets (bi-monthly), grocery shop, straighten bedrooms, organize playroom (bi-monthly)
Okay, so maybe this will motivate me to get back on the schedule, and do my meal planner too! One thing that I found works great for meal planning is to go through all of your cabinets, pantry, fridge and freezer and make a list of what you have. Then you plan meals and cross things off the list as you use them. This is a great way to save on groceries - and to use that can of cream of chicken soup in the back of your pantry! I might have to post my list and see who can come up with the most meal ideas!
And also now hubby dear can see my cleaning list on line at work. He can bookmark this post and know what has to be done at home on any given day. (hint, hint) No more excuses for not knowing it was dusting day. Can he really not see that the table is under so much dust that the living room turns into a dust storm when you walk by? I know he will be laughing when he reads this, but hey a girl can dream!
My Mom laughed and said times were so different. Kids were not involved in so many activities. My Dad didn't work sixty hour weeks like Brian does. There were no cell phones or internet. She didn't blog, or have about thirty or more blogs that she liked to read. There were not as many toys in our house, and not as many to choose from in the stores. There were no digital cameras and pictures to download and organize. There were not a million channels on digital cable and DVR capabilities. No DVD's, I think we got a VCR when I was in junior high and my parents mistakenly when with the beta VCR! All of these new electronic fun things also come with more bills to pay each month - cell phone, internet, i-tunes etc. Each little of the little things adds up to more time spent.
My Dad is a neat freak, Brian not so much. I have three kids and soon to be four, my Mom had two. I also babysit between two and four kids each day in addition to my three! My Mom had nothing to list on ebay and Craig's list. And nothing to spend time looking for things to buy on those sites. We didn't have a dog growing up, well after I was about age 4. My Dad had off weekends, Brian works all weekend. She didn't believe in balancing her check book, I take the time to balance it to the penny each month. I think the list could go on and on....
I guess some of it is a change of times and other parts can be attributed to different personality types. I need to get on a more organized schedule and need to figure out how to get more done each day - and still sleep a few hours! I used to plan meals for the week, and have no idea why I stopped that. I also used to have the cleaning and wash in a schedule to follow. If I kept to the schedule I would only have about a half-hour to and hour of house work per day and my house would always be clean. Here is my schedule for an example:
Sunday -vacuum downstairs, dust downstairs, cut coupons from paper, balance checkbook and pay bills for the week, sweep kitchen floor, wash bathroom rugs and kitchen rug (bi-monthly)
Monday - collect trash in the house, sweep and mop kitchen floor, clean upstairs bathroom, straighten kitchen drawers and cabinets
Tuesday - vacuum downstairs, wipe baseboards and woodwork, clean downstairs bathroom, clean microwave and toaster oven
Wednesday - sweep kitchen floor, dust upstairs, vacuum upstairs, laundry, organize pantry
Thursday - vacuum downstairs, dust downstairs, clean upstairs bathroom, clean out foyer closet and storage shelf (monthly)
Friday - sweep and mop kitchen floor, vacuum steps, clean downstairs bathroom, clean out refrigerator
Saturday - clean kitchen counters, clean stove, wash sheets (bi-monthly), grocery shop, straighten bedrooms, organize playroom (bi-monthly)
Okay, so maybe this will motivate me to get back on the schedule, and do my meal planner too! One thing that I found works great for meal planning is to go through all of your cabinets, pantry, fridge and freezer and make a list of what you have. Then you plan meals and cross things off the list as you use them. This is a great way to save on groceries - and to use that can of cream of chicken soup in the back of your pantry! I might have to post my list and see who can come up with the most meal ideas!
And also now hubby dear can see my cleaning list on line at work. He can bookmark this post and know what has to be done at home on any given day. (hint, hint) No more excuses for not knowing it was dusting day. Can he really not see that the table is under so much dust that the living room turns into a dust storm when you walk by? I know he will be laughing when he reads this, but hey a girl can dream!
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