A friend's blog reminded me just how special the time is with a newborn and how quickly is passes by. It was funny to read her post this morning because I was having those same feelings last night! Justin is most probably our last newborn - if we do adopt we will get about a 6-8 month old. I found myself getting him ready for bed - he nursed, I changed him, and then I swaddled him. I picked him up and gave him a few kisses. Then I found myself not wanting to put him down. I had to kiss his cheek (well, both cheeks!) one more time, smell his sweet head one more time, have him grasp my finger in his tiny hand one more time, smile at his perfect face one more time, and hold him close one more time - even though he was sound asleep. This went on for about 10 minutes and then I knew I had to get some sleep!
Words cannot express what I feel for Justin, Sean and Brian. Getting each of them here was such a physical and an emotional journey and I am grateful for them each and every day. They were all worth the wait - as most good things are! I still go in to check on Brian and Sean before I go to bed and most nights I tear up watching them sleep. I look at them and almost have to pinch myself to remind me that they are here and that they are mine! It is amazing how their smiles, hugs and kisses, and kind words can just make my day! I was once faced with not having any kids and now I have three beautiful and healthy boys - life is good!
I will never forget my struggles with infertility, but having the boys makes it easier to live with. The pain does come rushing back in when I hear of someone who is still dealing with infertility. I think if I ever stumbled upon a magic genie giving out wishes, my choices would be easy. One would definitely be that everyone who wants to become a parent would have their dreams come true!
The video to follow has been passed around some of my infertility bulletin boards. It really sums up how I feel/felt and I know that it hits home for many people. The girls from my bulletin boards are my friends and they know me better than some of my family memebers. They truly understand the pain from infertility and miscarriage that I feel - sharing does help to ease the pain also. The girls are are great - there is no sympathy or judgement, only understanding, comfort and kind words. Thanks girls!