Today is Pregnancy and Infant Loss Day. A day to remember losses. A day to quietly reflect. A day to be comforted by a united sisterhood. A day to remember that I am not alone in my pain. A day of empathy and understanding. A day to send caring thoughts out to those who have walked a similar path. A day of opening old wounds, so they can be further healed.
It has been almost three years since my last loss. We found out we had lost Justin's twin on December 7, 2006.(To read more about this click here.) This loss came after over two years of fertility treatments and 6 early miscarriages. Justin was born May 3, 2007. The time between December 7th and May 3rd was really hard for me. I was so afraid that I would lose him too.
Even after three years have passed, I still have days that hit me really hard. They don't happen as often now, but still my heart aches for the babies I never got to meet. The losses closed a door for me, but at the same time opened the window to adoption.
I am still affected daily by the pain of loss. Today, most of the anguish I feel has a positive effect on my life. I am grateful for each and every day. Grateful for the good and bad. Because to feel the bad, I have to have once felt the good. I was definitley changed by infertility and loss. Changed for the better.