The Big Give

I just finished watching Oprah's new show - The Big Give. Basically, the contestants have to help people in need as much as they can and give away and raise as much as they can, or they go home. I love this show! I wish that I had the resources to help more people. If I won the lottery or came into some money, I would of course do the usual house and cars and vacation - and stash some for college tuition! But I would also love to really do some good in the world. As I watched, I tried to think about what matters to me and what I would do if I were on the show. A few obvious things stuck out - kids and hospitals and those will illness and disabilities. But then another idea hit me.

I would love to set up a program that raises money for those who cannot afford infertility treatments. Oprah told the contestants to pick something that hit close to their hearts and that they felt passionate about. Got that covered! I have no idea how I would raise the money or start something like this, but it has my wheels a turnin'! I guess that once things got rolling, or I won the lottery, the hardest part would be choosing who was to receive the money. How in the world would anyone pick? Do you pick based upon the most financial need or the longest in treatment? Women without any children yet? Those that have been through loss? Or do you just give a little to as many women as you can? Ugh. Maybe this hits too close to home.

I am just so thankful that I had good insurance during my treatments for all the boys. I know that without the insurance, I would not have any of them. I am also lucky to live in NJ - one of the states that have a mandate for infertility coverage. I did have high co-pays but they are minimal compared to the thousands of dollars even a monitoring cycle can cost. And I don't even want to think about how much the laparoscopic surgery or the HSG's would have cost! The medications are thousands of dollars, blood work in the thousands, ultra sounds in the thousands - just for one cycle! Then an IVF cycle can run in the $10-15,000 range. If you are lucky enough to have some embryos to freeze, that storage can run thousands of dollars for a year too!

I am sure these astronomical costs would be easier to stomach if there were a guaranteed baby or two at the end of the cycle. But there are no guarantees. From personal experience I can say that the decision to spend the money or not is so difficult. We did have a lot of things covered, but we paid out of pocket for our first IVF, which resulted in a negative pregnancy test. I thought that this was the end of the road for us – we were out of money and out of resources. Then by some miracle, our insurance changed and the next two cycles were covered! I think that my screams of happiness could have been heard all the way on the moon!

I am beyond angered by the fact that for some people, whether or not they become parents is based on the high price of infertility treatments. Just because you don't have the out of pocket cash or live in a state without a mandate shouldn't mean that you are denied a chance for treatments. I cannot believe that more states do not mandate it - I would actually love to see there be a federal mandate. I would also like to see the states with mandates lose some of the restrictions they have for the size of the company and the number of employees needed before they have to cover infertility treatments.

I know the insurance companies have argued the higher rate of multiple births and the higher costs for them to treat those multiple births. But I think that if more treatments and longer periods for treatments were covered, that people would be more conservative. Insurance companies are supposed to cover things that affect a person's quality of life. How can they think that not having a chance to have a child cannot affect one's quality of life? Who are they to say only five iui cycles or three IVF cycles will be covered – per lifetime, not per child! And there are some that put a cap on spending – like $10,000 and that is lifetime too. What about those women that want more than one child?

I could start by trying to help a few people at my fertility doctor. I really might have to look into this and figure some things out. I think it will be a big challenge. It is not as easy as donating some toys and blankets and clothes to a shelter or children's hospital. These items are easily accessible and most of the people I know have a thing or two to spare. I think it is harder to get organizations and people to give cash. And from what I remember, most people do not have Menopur and Lupron and Follistim sitting around to be donated! I had some extra meds after my last IVF cycle and I donated most back to my doctor's office and gave a few things to a friend.

I will have to keep thinking about this. Maybe I can make something to give to those struggling with infertility to make the pain a little less. Something to let them know that others care and understand their struggles and pain. A bracelet or bookmark? A keepsake wallet card with a saying? Hmmmm. I think this will be my project after my home study is submitted to Korea; I will need something to help to pass the time until referral. Any other ideas?

After I got pregnant with Justin, our insurance changed again and we were no longer covered for any kind of fertility treatments. That has been the same since then, until recently when Brian got a new job. For fun I had to look up infertility coverage. Yep, you guessed it – we are covered again. Not for IVF but for meds, blood work, ultrasounds and iuis. Just for a second I had a longing to be pregnant again. I was momentarily sidetracked but in no time I was back to reality. I would love to have another child – and I will – a daughter from Korea will be waiting for me one day soon!