I have been crying a lot lately. Well, not sobbing, but more like tearing up. Especially about the adoption. Maybe it is the emotions I am experiencing, some of which are similar to being pregnant. I am so excited to meet and see our daughter, even though I know we most likely have six to eight months to go! I wonder about how the birthmother's pregnancy is going and if she is okay. In a few months I will wonder about our daughter and if she is okay. I know when we get that referral picture that it will be so hard to know she is growing up without us. I have heard the waiting after referral is the hardest part.
Every time I hear about a referral or see pictures of a family united for the first time, I cry. I need a box of tissues to watch the "gotcha day" videos on YouTube! I read descriptions about adoption books, and I cry. I found a book about a little girl adopted from Korea called Katie-Bo! It is out of print and I hope to find a copy! I cried at the ride day in Atlantic City for our adoption agency. Just seeing those families together was enough to make me tear up I cry reading about people completing their paperwork. I cry for travel calls and visa interviews. I would have never guessed that government agencies could ever evoke so much emotion!
So, since I think about the adoption daily and especially since the birth of our daughter will most likely occur late this fall, I cry almost daily. It usually isn't much more than my eyes filling with tears, but sometimes the tears escape and wander down my cheeks. And they are always happy tears. Happy tears carrying the raw emotions of longing for a child. I never expected to become so wrapped up in this process. Don't get me wrong, it is wonderful and exciting, just more emotional than I ever thought it would be, especially this early on. I am waiting on a letter from USCIS (US Citizenship and Immigration Services) and I know when I see it, that I will cry too! I guess the crying started last summer when we got a call from our adoption agency telling us that we were approved!