Thursday, February 19, 2009

Adoption Update

Not a great month. This is about the update for February. I got it a few weeks ago, but was really upset and didn't want to post about bad news. There was basically no change from January to February. Ugh!

This adoption process is so much harder than I thought it would be. I feel like I just had a negative pregnancy test. No good news this month, maybe in 4 weeks. On the bright side, February is a short month and our March update will be here soon! Hopefully it brings better news. More bad news would be so hard right now!

I guess I having the "adoption doubts." A baby seems so close and at the same time so far away. Will it really happen? Did they lose our file? Will they find some reason to deny us at the last minute? Will South Korea change policies or wait times before our referral? Will the country close adoption completely? Some days can be so hard. I am so invested in this, I guess it is normal to be scared.

I just thought emotionally this was going to be so much easier than infertility treatments. Boy was I ever wrong. I think in some ways it is harder. I feel like I have no control over anything. At least with the treatments I was doing injections and swallowing pills and going to appointments. I was active. Since the paperwork is basically done until we get a referral, I feel like I am just sitting here. I am waiting for other people and trusting in them. That is hard thing to do for me - especially since I have no relationship with these other people.

I know it seems silly to be upset about an e-mail. But delays hurt. You think you are getting somewhere and time lines are moving along at a steady pace. Then things come to a sudden halt and you get whiplash!

Here's to March being a better month!!!!


KandiB said...

I don't know much about adoption, but I do know a lot about waiting and the frustration that goes along with it. I hope your waiting time goes quickly. It'll be worth it...ICLW

Anonymous said...

It is ok - really. Tomorrow could be an up day - ride the roller coaster, the end is amazing!

Lori said...

Here from L&F.

What you're feeling also happened to me. All the DOing is easy -- the treatments, the paperwork, the profile/dossier. You feel some measure of control with all that DOing.

But the BEing, the waiting, the releasing...that's the tough part. Because you now have to trust that all that DOing is working. And you don't know the TIMing.

Abiding with you during the wait and the moments of doubt. May the rest of your journey be an easy one.

Rachel said...

Adoption is HARD!!! I hope you get great news soon! HUGS!

Kristin said...

Adoption is very hard and that is why it always makes me so angry when people tell others, "Why don't you just adopt?" There is no "just" about it.

Wishing you incredible news in the next month.

Fat Chick said...

I'm crossing my fingers for you and sending lots of positive, warm thoughts your way! March is tomorrow, and hopefully it will be better for you!