Sunday, June 8, 2008

The Fertile

I was picking up Sean from school last week and overheard a conversation while I was waiting for him to come out of his classroom. Another mom has a four year old like Sean and a two year old. She was telling another mom that she was pregnant and wasn't really planning this one. She said she was happy but also a little disappointed to be going back to midnight feedings. My heart sank. (sigh)

So, now I cannot help but to hear the rest of the conversation. They are only a few feet away from me and not whispering or anything. The fertile tells her friend that they told all of their friends and family last week. The friend offers congratulations and asks how far along she is. The fertile proudly proclaims that she is five weeks and.... Then she glances up as if to think a minute and then continues to say that she is not five weeks, but six weeks exactly. Today! My heart plummeted a little lower. Ugh!

I sometimes feel cheated of this reckless abandonment. I cannot envision what it would be like to be pregnant and to not worry. I cannot imagine announcing a pregnancy to the world based on a pee stick. No blood test result, no ultra sound seen, no heart beat yet heard, no first trimester passed. The thought of it just blows my mind. I worried each day until they were placed in my arms, and then I worried even more! And I haven't stopped since!

9 comments:

SAHW said...

Never been pregnant...hope to be one day, but I know if I do get there, I would never be able to do that, to just be pregnant without worrying. I'm praying that I'll at least get to be pregnant and worry, I'll take that over not being pregnant and not worrying. :)

Nit said...

Hi from NCLM...thanks for stopping by my blog :)

I feel the same as you! We will be starting IVF next month...life really isn't fair!

Your boys are gorgeous!

Emily, Dave and Abbie said...

It is great to know that there is someone else that feels the same way I do when people take physically having their children for granted. If they had to work as hard to get a baby as many of us adoptive moms or soon to be adoptive moms have, they wouldn't make comments like those in public. Here is to a quick wait.

PJ said...

You're so right...We are so careless about important things, take them for granted. Sometimes we can only really appreciate something when we lose it...and young moms today surely do announce pregnancy long before we ever would have. (I'm ancient, you know!!) It was sort of common decency (LOL) to not say anything until at least the first trimester was over.
But...congratulations on your Three very beautiful (and messy...how adorable!!) little ones. Blessing on the Korean child to come!!

scarredbellybutton said...

Oh to have such gay abandon! And to be able to have a pg at all, let alone w/out even trying.

Busted said...

That loss of innocence is so heartwrenching. I remember when I was pregnant, and learned of someone else's pregnancy, how bitter I was, and it was shocking to me that even after I thought I had crossed to the other side, that these emotions persisted. On the other hand, I appreciate hearing that you, who really are on the "other side" now, still remember the pain of infertility - it means a lot to those of us in the trenches that the survivors remember what we are still living.

Geohde said...

Not that I was ever a complete throw caution to the wind kind of gal when it came to sharing p-word news, but IF certainly stomped any belief that one pee stick equaled a take home baby out of me a long time ago,

J

Beth A. said...

I know exactly what you mean. My husband's cousin told me they were trying to conceive, and exactly a month later we got the news that she was pregnant. I was happy for her, but it was hard not to feel wistful at not being able to inhabit the sort of world where you're carefree about telling people you're trying to get pregnant because you don't have any worries about it happening soon, and then feeling confident enough to spread the news right away.

Mommy Meryl said...

I remember finally get preg w/ my daughter after 2 years of trying and some fertility treatments (nothing too intense, but needed help none-the-less) and I found out I was preg on 11/25. I spotted on 12/25 and 1/31 and I remember absolutely freaking out - I was ecstatic to be preg, but also looking for blood each time I peed. One of my friends who is a pediatrician said one of the most profound statements to me - you will never know a worry-free day again! And she is so right - its not an all consuming worrying, but she is right - there is always a faint bit of worry about Allie everyday.