Mel's Show and Tell

These photos were taken last Tuesday. My show and tell is that I had seven kids ages seven and under in my house - all day long! Brian and A are seven, K is six, Sean is 4, T is two and a half, M is two, and Justin is 13 months. Oh, and all the kids were boys except for M - par for the course around here! The trick was to keep them busy and to keep a close eye on them! The boys had a blast with all the kids to play with! If you have something to share - click on the Show and Tell button on the sidebar of my blog!

Brian, Sean, A, T and K

M and Justin

(I had hard time getting them in the same shot!)

Saturday is for Scategories (2)

Thanks again Calli!

SCATTERGORIES - it’s harder than it looks! Play here or play on your blog. Saturday is game day!

Take the first letter of your favorite color and answer to the following:

1) What is your favorite color? blue

2) Something you would poke? buttons

3) Something you would reheat? blueberry pie

4) Something you would carry in your purse? baby wipes

5) Something you would recycle? bottle

6) Something you would scream if being attacked? Bahhhhhh!

7) Something you are wearing right now? boogers (baby has a cold)

8 ) Something that would make you blush? bare naked people

9) Something that would cure a bad day? beer

10) Something that you would photograph at the zoo? baboon

Time, Time, Time

I was talking to my mom today and the conversation was about how I feel like I can never get all the things done I want to in a day, or a week for that matter, well except NCLM! I asked, "How did you do it all?" I don't remember our house ever being as messy, or wash piling up like mine does. Then again I was looking at things through a child's eyes. Don't get me wrong, I love being a stay-at-home-Mom, but some days I do feel like I am digging a huge hole and the sides just keep sliding in.

My Mom laughed and said times were so different. Kids were not involved in so many activities. My Dad didn't work sixty hour weeks like Brian does. There were no cell phones or internet. She didn't blog, or have about thirty or more blogs that she liked to read. There were not as many toys in our house, and not as many to choose from in the stores. There were no digital cameras and pictures to download and organize. There were not a million channels on digital cable and DVR capabilities. No DVD's, I think we got a VCR when I was in junior high and my parents mistakenly when with the beta VCR! All of these new electronic fun things also come with more bills to pay each month - cell phone, internet, i-tunes etc. Each little of the little things adds up to more time spent.

My Dad is a neat freak, Brian not so much. I have three kids and soon to be four, my Mom had two. I also babysit between two and four kids each day in addition to my three! My Mom had nothing to list on ebay and Craig's list. And nothing to spend time looking for things to buy on those sites. We didn't have a dog growing up, well after I was about age 4. My Dad had off weekends, Brian works all weekend. She didn't believe in balancing her check book, I take the time to balance it to the penny each month. I think the list could go on and on....

I guess some of it is a change of times and other parts can be attributed to different personality types. I need to get on a more organized schedule and need to figure out how to get more done each day - and still sleep a few hours! I used to plan meals for the week, and have no idea why I stopped that. I also used to have the cleaning and wash in a schedule to follow. If I kept to the schedule I would only have about a half-hour to and hour of house work per day and my house would always be clean. Here is my schedule for an example:

Sunday -vacuum downstairs, dust downstairs, cut coupons from paper, balance checkbook and pay bills for the week, sweep kitchen floor, wash bathroom rugs and kitchen rug (bi-monthly)

Monday - collect trash in the house, sweep and mop kitchen floor, clean upstairs bathroom, straighten kitchen drawers and cabinets

Tuesday - vacuum downstairs, wipe baseboards and woodwork, clean downstairs bathroom, clean microwave and toaster oven

Wednesday - sweep kitchen floor, dust upstairs, vacuum upstairs, laundry, organize pantry

Thursday - vacuum downstairs, dust downstairs, clean upstairs bathroom, clean out foyer closet and storage shelf (monthly)

Friday - sweep and mop kitchen floor, vacuum steps, clean downstairs bathroom, clean out refrigerator

Saturday - clean kitchen counters, clean stove, wash sheets (bi-monthly), grocery shop, straighten bedrooms, organize playroom (bi-monthly)

Okay, so maybe this will motivate me to get back on the schedule, and do my meal planner too! One thing that I found works great for meal planning is to go through all of your cabinets, pantry, fridge and freezer and make a list of what you have. Then you plan meals and cross things off the list as you use them. This is a great way to save on groceries - and to use that can of cream of chicken soup in the back of your pantry! I might have to post my list and see who can come up with the most meal ideas!

And also now hubby dear can see my cleaning list on line at work. He can bookmark this post and know what has to be done at home on any given day. (hint, hint) No more excuses for not knowing it was dusting day. Can he really not see that the table is under so much dust that the living room turns into a dust storm when you walk by? I know he will be laughing when he reads this, but hey a girl can dream!

NCLM

Well, National Comment Leaving Month (NCLM) started by Mel at Stirrup Queens ended yesterday. I have to pat myself on the back a little and admit that I received Iron Commentor status! here were 214 blogs on the list. I made a comment on each blog at least once a week! (minus the ones that were password protected and one that didn't update at all) It was hard and I am sleep deprived, but I did it! I am happy for it to be over because it was harder than I thought and really time consuming. But I am also sad because all of the wonderful comments that I received over the past month will soon taper off. I will be left with the big fat 0 comments staring back at me!

If you know me then you have to know I always find a bright side. A silver lining if you will. So, I can only hope a few NCLM readers will have enjoyed my blog and come back for regular visits. (please, please) I added a few to my blog roll and had a great time "meeting" so many new people. It was an emotional roller coaster through parenthood, new pregnancies, losses, and new babies! Some posts left me in tears and some had me roaring with laughter. A few of them made me really think. And then think some more. I love when people challenge my mind in positive way.

So, I say thank you to all my readers, both new and old. Thank you for the heartfelt comments and thank you for opening your blog and your life to me. I thoroughly enjoyed the ride and will be back for more! I cannot wait until the next comment-leaving-a-thon! Note to self - start banking sleep now for IComLeavWe (international comment leaving week)

I like it, I like it!

Tonight I had a jewelry party. I was using it as a fundraiser for our adoption expenses. I had a pretty good turnout but not as good as I thought. I had more than a few no-shows and a few last minute cancellations and all of a sudden I am missing fifteen people! Ugh! I still made about $500 and got $500 in free jewelry too! So all in all, not a bad night!

Since I made enough money, I am going to sign on to be a sales representative. I am going to try to start a business and hope that it will pay off. I have to invest $199 to sign on. Since I earned about $500 at the party, that brings my commission to $301, plus I get the $500 in jewelry credit too! So I look at it like I put out $199 but got $301 and tons of great jewelry. Even if I never book another party or never have another one of my own, I am still ahead. If I didn't sign on I would only get the $500 in free jewelry, so the investment was worth it to me.

As many of the representatives do, I am also willing to trade hostess jewelry rewards for equal cash value if you want to raise money for a charity or for adoption or for IVF or for something you are in need of! Even if you live 500 miles away, you can view the jewelry on my website (should be up next week) and I can send you a few catalogs. After your party, you can e-mail the sales info to me. I am going to set up a PayPal account for those that don't want to share personal payment information with me. You win by getting cash for what you need, and I win by earning jewelry to help my business! I also win by finding a way to give back!

I am excited and have already booked a few parties! I can even do long distance catalog parties and receive commission even on single order sales! The company says that the jewelry sells itself and after seeing it, I am a believer! Anyone want to have a party and help to bring Kathryn home? Oh, and earn yourself some great jewelry too! Wish me luck!

If you want to have a party or just want to order something to help out the cause, send me an e-mail to jewelry.kimberly at gmail dot com.

Beer, Beer, Baby!

I know, I know the words beer and baby should not really be in a sentence together. I have pictures of Brian and Sean with empty beer bottles, so why should Justin be any different. He had a huge smile and was so proud of himself for getting into the recycle trash!

caught in the act

havin' fun
good to the last drop
flagged*

*There was no actual beer consumed buy the baby. The spill on his shirt is from his juice cup on the floor in the back if the pictures. The last picture is purely coincidental and used solely for comedic purpose.

Why adopt?

I have had some questions lately about why we are adopting. Some are genuine and heartfelt, and others just leave me speechless. I have no idea how people find the nerve to say certain things. I have not yet decided if they are just ignorant or stupid, or both! Think once in a while before you speak people!

Okay, the good first. I have had an overwhelming bunch of supportive friends and family send us their best wishes. Many know of our infertility journey and are so excited to see us add to our family again. They ask great questions and also ask if they can help in any way. They want to know why we were led to Korea and basic questions about adoption. I welcome these kinds of questions and comments. I love to spread the word about adoption, maybe it will inspire someone else to adopt!

Now, for the bad. First, I have to say that I have had some questions that were similar to the ones listed that don't bother me. I guess it was the way they were worded or the fact that they came from a good friend who I know did not mean any harm. Here are some of the comments I have gotten -

(1) "Why are you adopting, I thought you could have kids." Um, yes I have three biological boys, but adoption is not a second best option. I do not want to be pregnant again, we want to adopt. We did not try and nor will we try to get pregnant again. We chose this route for baby number four.

(2) "Why don't you adopt baby from this country?" Well, there are a lot of reasons. First and foremost, we went through so much emotional turmoil with fertility treatments that I don' think I could make it through the waiting period when a birth mother can change her mind. Also, we did the infant thing - three times. I know there are more families waiting to adopt than there are babies here in the US. So, I didn't want to take away the chance to parent a newborn from someone who had never experienced that. It might seem silly, but it was important to me.

(3) "Would you still be adopting if Justin had been a girl?" Yes, yes, and yes. When we got married we both wanted 4-5 kids. I had no idea the struggles we would have to endure to get three. So, adoption is the choice for us and if we had the money I would probably do it again.

(4) "If Justin's twin had survived would you still adopt?" Uh, refer to question #3!

(5) "That baby girl is going to be so happy and lucky." No. Well, yes. I hope that she is happy with the decision that she has no knowledge or control over. But we will be the lucky ones to have her.

(6) "Oooh. An Asian baby, she will be smart and probably play the violin." no comment

(7) "Will she be "okay" after living in the orphanage?" Babies in South Korea live with foster families until they are adopted. They are well loved and receive excellent care. But even if she had been in an orphanage, yes, she might have some mild delays. But just because babies spend some time in an orphanage does not mean they will have "problems."

(8) "What will you do if she wants to find her real Mom." First, I will be her real Mom and she will be my read child. She will have taken a different route to our family, but in my eyes she will be no different than if I gave birth to her. We will be open and honest about the adoption from day one. And if she does want to search for her birth Mom, I will be supportive of it. I doubt we will have much information to go on, but I will help her as much as I can.

(9)"How much will she cost?" Huh? She will not cost a thing. The money we will be spending will be for services and documents needed in order for her to join our family. The money that goes to Korea will help to support other babies and foster families.

(10) "I bet you will get pregnant now that you are adopting." Believe it or not, three kids later and I am still infertile. Always will be. Never gonna change. I still cannot get pregnant without a doctor's help. Nothing is going to fix that - not a vacation, not getting drunk, not relaxing, not an adoption. Plus our adoption agreement will be voided if we do get pregnant. So, we will not be getting pregnant, even if we could.

Hope this makes things clearer for some people and helps others know what to say or what not to say. I know that some people reading have probably asked some of these questions or said some of these statements. I also know that some times the best of intentions turn out all wrong. Just trying to do my part to educate!

Saturday is for Scategories

I used to play Scategories all the time and really love it! Calli has a weekly game and I decided, and had time to, play today! COpy, paste and play along, then link back to Calli and to hear so I can be sure to read yours!

Use the first letter of your Mother’s name (first or middle) to answer each of the following.

1. What is your Mother’s name? Pam
2. Something you would find in the freezer section? pizza
3. A beverage enjoyed in the summer? pink lemonade
4. A word to describe your butt? plush
5. Something you would find in your garden? petunia
6. Something a cat would drag in? peacock - hey it's a bird!
7. A favorite book title? Pride and Prejudice
8. A fancy entree at your favorite restaurant? pasta with lobster cream sauce
9. Something that is on your amazon wish list? pink car seat
10. Something you have hidden under your bed? placemats (lol)

Parenting Fun!

I finally got around to weeding my gardens and planting flowers today. I am sore and tired and who knew that no StairMaster was required for a sore bum and thighs! Of course the boys wanted to help and fought too many times over the hose. Sean has always loved gardening - I think the dirt appeals to him more than the plants! And the bugs, he collected tons of bugs. His favorites right now are what he call Armadillo bugs - we used to call them Pill bugs. But they do look like armadillos!

You know I had to google pill bugs! I found this at www.northern.edu - "Pillbugs, also known as sowbugs, or woodlice, are familiar backyard creepy crawlies to most of us. Pillbugs are correctly classified as terrestrial Isopods, and belong to the Class Crustacea. Familiar crustaceans include lobsters, crabs, shrimp, and daphnia (water fleas). The crustaceans, in turn, are part of a larger group, Arthropoda, or jointed-legged animals. All arthropods have a tough outer cuticle, a trunk divided into segments, and limbs which, because of their stiff cuticle, articulate about flexible joints." I would have never guessed that the were related to lobsters and shrimp!

He only wanted to plant the yellow "dandelions" as he called the marigolds! When they were all planted he picked out a small pink impatient that he liked and planted it. First of all, he totally maimed it trying to get it out of the plastic pot. Then he dug a hole about two inches deep and stuffed the roots in until he had made it fit. Next he piled on some dirt to make up for the fact that his hole should have been a few more inches deep. He topped it off by watering it so hard that most of the flowers popped off. But he was so proud of himself that I didn't say a word. What is the sacrifice of one plant compared to the happiness of a child?

He soon tired of this and went inside to find a TV show to blankly stare at. I finished working in the one flower bed and moved over to where he had butchered his plant. I took it out gently and began to weed and rake the bed. I put a few more flowers in and then replaced his plant in a little bit different spot. He came out to check on his plant and started jumping up and down. At first I thought he had discovered that I moved it and was now mad at me. But, no, that couldn't be it because he was so happy!

Then he pointed at a pink zinnia that was about six inches taller than the impatient that he planted. Brian Sr. caught on quicker than I did and said, "Sean you did such a great job with your flower that if grew and grew!" Sean could now barely control himself and ran into get Brian. Brian ran out and when he heard the story he kept looking to his Dad and I. He knew something was up but didn't totally rule it out either! Even if we didn't fool him, he was nice enough to play along and not ruin it for Sean.

Sean went outside to see if it had grown any more about ten more times tonight! What good is it having kids if you cannot have a little fun now and then. The harmless kind of course!

Me

I am finally getting around to telling my long story. Here are two posts to fill all the new readers in about me and my infertility journey. The first is a list of 100 things about me and the second is a brief history of my infertility treatments. I really don't have the time or the energy to type it all out again and I didn't want to just copy and paste the same info in a different post. I recently sent a letter to my clinic and asked for the records from my cycles. I would really like to write a book one day about my journies to bring each child home.

If you want the long version, and have the time to read it - here is some more detailed information on each of my cycles.


BRIAN

April 1999-Nov. 1999 - tired on our own

Nov. 1999-Jan. 2000 - charted on Clomid with OB/GYN - no ovulation

Mar. 1, 2000 - first meeting with re (reproductive endocrinologist)

Mar. 20, 2000 - test results in - PCOS anrd insulin resistant, low estrogen, put on Glucophage and prometrium to bring on a cycle

Mar. 31, 200o - retrun to re on cd (cycle day) 3 for monitoring cycle - no ovulation by cd 22 and prometrium given again

April 28, 2000 - start of new cycle with Tamoxifen (similar acting to Clomid), re said had one follicle 28X28X20, estrogen was too low for ovulation (later found out tests were mixed up and estrogen was 280, not 20.)

June 13, 2000 - no cycle even after prometrium, I had suspisions and took a home pregnancy test. It was positive and I called the re. The did a blood test and my hcg was 7,920 and progesterone 22.8!

June 23, 2000 - Went in for an ultra sound and an baby measured 6 weeks 6 days and had a good stong heart beat. Due date of Feb. 9, 2001

Feb. 22, 2001 - Brian was born via c-section 13 days late after a failed induction and 48 hours of labor. He was 10lbs even and 22 in. long!



SEAN

May 15, 2002 - return to re for consult, blood tests reveal similar problems

May 31, 2002 - re visit for cd 3 of monitoring cycle, ovulated but no pregnancy

July 6, 2002 - return to re for Tamoxifen cycle w/ iui (intra-unterine insemination)

July 8, 2006 - hcg neg, bfn (big fat negative)

July 12, 2002 HSG (hysterosaplingogram)

August 9, 2002 - Tamoxifen cycle w/ iui #2, bfn

Sept. 7, 2002 - Tamixifen cycle w/ iui #3, bfn

Oct. 22, 2002 - Laproscopic surgery, mostly normal but removed a little bit of endometriosis

Nov. 6, 2002 - Start Lurpon for first injectable cycle

Dec. 2, 2002 - iui, 85 million sperm, 2 follicles dominant 18X18X14 and 19X17X16

Dec. 12, 2002 - bfp (big fat positive), blood test great - hcg 206, progesterone 36

Dec. 23, 2002 - u/s (ultra sound) shows 5 mm sac and a 4 mm sac, due date August 26, 2003

Jan. 6, 2003 - u/s shows embryo 5mm, hr (hear rate) 107, and measures 6w 1d, I am 6w 4d, one did not make it

Jan 17, 2003 - u/s, embryo 20mm, hr 171, and measures 8w4d, I am 8w 5d

Jan. 27, 2003 - u/s embryo 31mm, hr 175, and measures 10w 0d, I am 9w 4d

Feb. 5, 2003 - u/s embryo 46mm, hr 171, and mesures 11w 3d, I am 10w 6d

August 19, 2003 - Sean was born, 8 lbs 6 oz and 20 1/2 in.


Justin

July 26, 2004 - return to re for consult and day 3 testing

Aug. 23, 2004 - monitoring cycle reveals PCOS, low estrogen and progesterone

Aug 27, 2004 - Tamoxifen cycle #1 and iui on Sept. 14, 2004

Sept. 29, 2004 - positive pregnancy test - hcg only 20, prog. 21.9

Oct. 1, 2004 - hcg 22, prog. 21.5

Oct. 4, 2004 - hcg 26, prog. 19.4

Oct. 13, 2004 - hcg less than 2 - miscarriage #1 and told to wait one cycle before continuing

Nov 19, 2004 - day 2 check for Tamoxifen cycle #2

Dec. 17, 2005 - beta 3 and prog. 13.3, chemical pg-m/c #2

Dec 21, 2004 - day 2 check for luprin, injectable/iui cycle #1

Jan. 31. 2005 - iui, 75.7 milllion sperm, two dominant follicles 20x15x18, 20x15x13

Feb 14, 2005 - bfp, hcg 37, prog. 26.5

Feb. 16, 2005 - hcg 79, prog. 26.3 (hcg and prog. continue to do well)

Feb. 23, 2005 - first ultra sound - sac measuring 5mm and 4w 5d but I am 5w 3d

Mar. 7, 2005 - sac measuring 11 mm with yolk sac at 5w 2d, I am 7w 2d

Mar. 11, 2005 - sac with yolk is 13 mm and measuring 5w 3d, embryo is 3mm and measuring 6w 0d, I am 7w 6d.

Mar. 16, 2005 - sac is 13mm with enlarged yolk sac, no embryo, no heart beat, I am 8w 4d

Mar. 22, 2005 - D&C for miscarriage #3

May 26, 2005 - day 3 check to begin new lupron and injectable/iui cycle #2

June 4, 2005 - iui with 37.5 million sperm, 4 dominant follicles

June 20, 2005 - bfp, hcg 17, prog. 21.8

June 22, 2005 - hcg 25, prog. 15.7

June 24, 2005 - hcg 6, prog. 6.21, miscarriage #4

Aug. 8, 2005 - cd 3 check for new lupron, injectable/iui cycle #3

Aug. 19, 2005 - iui with 45.0 million sperm and 7 dominant follicles

Sept. 2, 2005 - beta 19, prog. 15 - chemical pregnancy-m/c #5

Oct. 7, 2005 - cd 3 check for new lupron, injectable/iui cycle #4

Nov. 7, 2005 - cancelled cycle on cd 10 for poor response

Nov. 14, 2005 - cd 3 check for lupron, injectable/iui cycle number #5

Dec. 17, 2005 - iui with 53.8 million sperm and five dominant follicles
Dec. 30, 2005 - beta 15, prog. 14.5 - chemical pregnancy-m/c #6

Jan. 3, 2006 - cd 3 check for lupron, injectable/iui cycle #6

Feb. 4, 2006 - iui with 37.8 million sperm and 4 dominant follicles

Feb. 18, 2006 - beta 16, prog. 14 - miscarriage #7

Mar. 1, 2006 - hysteroscopy

Mar. 13, 2006 - ultrasonographic guided cannulation of uterus and mock transfer to begin IVF

April 8, 2006 - cd 2 for IVM #1 (in vitro maturation - take immature eggs out and mature them in the lab and then continue like IVF)

April 13, 2006 - ER (egg retrieval) - four eggs

April 18, 2006 - ET (embryo transfer) - on four cell embryo graded 4.5 (out of best possible 5.0)
May 3, 2006 - hcg neg., prog. 91.3

May 25, 2006 - mock transfer

June 3, 2006 - cd 2 check for IVF #2

June 14, 2006 - ER - 12 eggs

June 17, 2006 - ET - three eight cell embryos graded 4.5

July 1, 2006 - hcg neg., prog. 72.7

Aug. 3, 2006 - cd 3 check for IVF #3

Aug. 14, 2006 - ER - 24 eggs

Aug. 17, 2006 - ET - 5 embryos, two graded 4.5, two are a 3 and one is a 2

Aug. 29, 2006 - ultra sound for OHSS (ovarian hyperstimulation)

Aug. 29, 2006 - bfp, hcg 158, prog. 293, estrogen 1916

Aug. 31, 2006 - hcg 233, prog. 330

Sept. 2, 2006 - hcg 508, prog. 382 (hcg levels continue to do well)

Sept. 2, 2006 - ultra sound - for OHSS

Sept. 11, 2006 - ultra sound - sac 8.7 mm measures 4w 5d and sac 8.6 mm measures 4w 5d both with yolk sacs, I am 5w 3d

Sept. 22, 2006 - ultra sound - baby A 9.4mm with hr (heart rate) 148 measures 7w 0d, baby B 8.9mm with hr 155 and measures 6w 6d, baby C 3.0 mm with hr 104 and measures 5w 6d, empty sac mesures 10mm and 5w 0d, I am 6w 6d

Oct. 2, 2006 - ultra sound - baby A 20.8mm wth hr 176 measures 8w 5d, baby B 23.1mm with hr 178 measures 9w 0d, baby C measures 4.6mm with no hr measures 6w 1d, empty sac measures 13mm and 5w 4d, I am 8w 3d.

Oct. 13, 2006 - ultra sound - baby A 34.6 mm with hr 174 and measures 10w 5d, baby B 36.2mm with hr 160 and measures 10w 5d. I am 10w 0d

Oct. 23, 2006 - ultra sound and NT scan - baby A 43.8 mm with NT 1.4mm, baby B 48.5 mm with NT 1.6mm

Oct. 25, 2006 - released to OB

Dec. 7, 2006 - ultra sound - baby B doing well, baby A has no heart beat and measuring way behind, more details of the day in this post

May 3, 2006 - Justin is born - 7lbs 9 oz and 19 1/2 in!

The List

I have seen this on a few blogs recently and it looked like fun! The ones in bold are the things that pertain to me.

Bought everyone in the bar a drink
Swam with wild dolphin
Taken a Ferrari for a test drive
Been inside the Great Pyramid
Held a tarantula
Taken a candle lit bath
Said I love you and meant it
Hugged a Tree
Bungee jumped
Visited Paris
Watched a lightening storm at sea
Stayed up all night long and saw the sun rise
Seen the Northern Lights
Gone to a huge sports game
Walked the stairs to the top of the Leaning Tower of Pisa
Grown and eaten your own vegetables
Touched an iceberg
Slept under the stars
Changed a baby’s diaper
Taken a trip in a hot air balloon
Watched a meteor shower
Gotten drunk on champagne
Given more than you can afford to charity
Looked up at the night sky through a telescope
Had an uncontrollable giggling fit at the worst possible moment
Had a food fight
Bet on a winning horse
Asked out a stranger
Had a snowball fight
Screamed as loudly as you possibly can
Held a lamb
Seen a total eclipse
Ridden a roller coaster
Hit a home run
Danced like a fool, not caring who watched
Adopted an accent for an entire day
Actually felt happy about your life, even for a moment
Had two hard drives for your computer
Visited all 50 states
Taken care of someone who was too drunk
Had amazing Friends
Danced with a Stranger in a foreign country
Watched wild whales
Stolen a sign
Hitchhiked in Europe
Taken a road-trip
Gone rock climbing
Midnight walk on the beach
Gone sky diving
Visited Ireland
Been heartbroken longer than you were in love
In a restaurant sat at a stranger’s table and ate with them
Visited Japan
Milked a cow
Alphabetized your CDs
Pretended to be a superhero
Sung karaoke
Lounged around in bed all day
Posed nude in front of strangers
Gone scuba diving
Kissed in the rain
Played in the mud
Played in the rain
Gone to a drive-in theater
Visited the Great Wall of China
Started a business
Fallen in love and not had your heart broken
Toured ancient sites
Taken a martial arts class
Played a computer game for more than 6 hours straight
Gotten married
Been in a movie
Crashed a party
Gotten divorced
Gone without food for 5 days
Made cookies from scratch
Won first prize in a costume contest
Ridden a gondola in Venice
Gotten a tattoo
Rafted the Snake River
Been on television news program as an “expert”
Got flowers for no reason
Performed on a stage
Been to Las Vegas
Recorded Music
Eaten shark
Had a one-night stand
Gone to Thailand
Bought a house
Been in a combat zone
Buried one/both of your parents
Been on a cruise ship
Spoken more than one language fluently
Performed in Rocky Horror
Raised children
Followed your favorite band/singer on tour
Taken an exotic bicycle tour in a foreign country
Picked up and moved to another city
Walked on the Golden Gate Bridge
Sang loudly in the car and didn’t stop when you knew someone was looking
Had plastic surgery
Survived an accident that you shouldn’t have
Wrote articles for a large publication
Lost over 100 lbs
Held someone while they were having a flashback
Piloted an airplane
Petted a stingray
Broken someone’s heart
Helped an animal give birth
Won money on a TV game show
Broken a bone
Gone on an African safari
Had a body part below the neck pierced
Fired a rifle, shotgun or pistol
Eaten mushrooms gathered in the wild
Ridden a horse
Had major surgery
Had a snake as a pet
Hiked to the bottom of the Grand Canyon
Slept for more than 30 hours over 48 consecutive hours
Visited more foreign countries than US States
Visited all 7 continents
Taken a canoe trip that lasted more than 2 days
Eaten Kangaroo meat
Eaten sushi
Had your picture in the paper
Changed someone’s mind about something you care deeply about
Gone back to school
Parasailed
Petted a cockroach
Eaten fried green tomatoes
Read the Iliad
Selected one important author who you missed school to read
Killed and prepared an animal for eating (fish)
Skipped all of your school reunions
Communicated with someone without sharing a common language
Been elected to public office
Written your own computer language
Thought to yourself that you’re living your dream
Had to put someone you love in hospice care
Build your own PC from parts
Sold your own artwork to someone that didn’t know it was yours
Had a booth in a street fair
Dyed your hair (highlights only)
Been a DJ
Shaved your head
Caused a car accident
Saved someone’s life

Always in My Heart

Brian had his end of the year pool party last Friday. Brian Sr. had the day off from work, so I went with the older boys and he stayed home with Justin. The weather was perfect and a good time was had by all. Brian and Sean got to swim and I got to chat with the other Moms and Dads. When the party was over I was walking out with the boys and two of their cousins that I was driving home. A Mom of a girl that was in Brian's class last year stopped me to say hello. The boys ran ahead a little but were still inside the gate so I decided to catch up with her for a minute.

I haven't seen her since I was pregnant with Justin. I just didn't realize how long it had been until she spoke. She said, "I saw Brian and Sean run by. But where are the twins?" I am not lying when I say I was caught so off guard that I did not know what to say. I literally just stared at her with my jaw dropped open as my mind searched for an appropriate response. After what seemed like a minute or so of silence I mustered, "I thought you knew. We lost one of the babies while I was pregnant." Her expression changed very quickly and I could tell that she was now silenced by her own search for words. She soon said, "Oh, I am so sorry. I think you did tell me last year. I feel so bad." She is a nice person and I know that she truly meant no harm.

I don't know if it upset me more that I was taken back to the pain of that day so quickly from a simple reference to twins or that someone who knew about it forgot about the baby I lost. To her credit we are by no means close and I would say we are more like acquaintances than friends. And I, in no way, expected her to remember. It just really hurts. I am having a hard time explaining it in words. I only know the pain in my heart. I guess it was so upsetting because that baby is my baby. I really do feel like the Mom of many more than three children. I cannot believe that I have lost more babies than I have here with me. Those babies are always in my heart even though I cannot hold them in my arms.

I came across a post on a blog about loss a few weeks ago. The writer said that she had recently named the babies that she lost. I found this very intriguing. She had losses where she knew the sex and also where she did not know the sex . I never thought to give Justin's twin a name because I don't know the sex of the baby. So, after thinking about this for a while, I decided to try to come up with a name. I wanted something more that Baby A. I searched and searched inside myself but still did not have a feeling as to if the baby was a boy or a girl.

Then it hit me. Sam. Sam! Sam!!!! Yes, Sam was perfect. I have always like the names Samuel and Samantha. Sam is short for both, and can easily be a girl's and a boy's name without jokes and snickers. It is cute and short and so fitting. Another little part of me feels better. Even eighteen months later, I still have healing to be done. I still have forward progress to be made. I still have to find ways to deal with my grief on a daily basis. I miss you Sam.....

Happy Father's Day 2008!

Happy Father's day to my husband! Thanks for being a great Dad and for always being there for the boys! They really enjoy you and look up to you. They miss you so much when you are at work and sometimes count the minutes until you come home! Thanks for all the time you sacrifice doing things for yourself to spend time with them. It is important to me and I am glad that it is important to you too! I hope that you know the face of your daughter for next Father's Day!

Brian and his sons, and I, spend the afternoon watching the US Open. I was one of the most exciting golf matches that I have ever seen. The day ended in a tie and will continue tomorrow! I cannot wait to see how it unfolds!

Yum and Yuck!

The anniversary party for my in-laws went really well today! It was great to see some family that we haven't seen in a long time. Brian, Sean, and Justin were very well behaved and the food was fabulous! They boys enjoyed the food and the Brian and Sean had too many lamb kabobs to count! There were scouting out the waitresses with the lamb trays during the appetizer hour! They also really enjoyed the prime rib for dinner and I think had half a dozen or so rolls each! My favorite was the scallops wrapped in bacon! Yum!!!

Sean of course had the best moment. He was hanging out with his cousin Patrick most of the night. Sean had a roll in his hand and told Patrick that he had to go to the bathroom. Patrick told Sean not to bring his roll into the bathroom as he was headed in the door. Sean looked back at Patrick and stopped. He bent down, put his roll on the floor right outside the bathroom and continued in through the door! Patrick just laughed and walked away! I guess the floor was a better choice than in the bathroom! But, yuck!!!

The Blues

No, not the sad kind of blues, the color blue. Why in the world do there have to be so many shades of blue? My in-laws are celebrating their 50th wedding anniversary tomorrow and I wanted the boys to be in matching outfits because there will be a photographer there. I did find them all the same navy blue shorts, but the shirts have seemed to elude me! I wasn't asking for too much, just light blue shirts. You know light blue - sky blue, baby blue, Carolina blue. Sounds pretty easy right?

Wrong! I couldn't find the same shirt in any store that I looked in. I could sometimes find one shirt and other times two shirts in some stores, but never three. Yes, a lot of stores had light blue shirts, but all of the blues were so different. Some were more blue and some more gray. They all looked the same to me until I got them home and put them next to each other. It drove me insane!

I went to about six different stores and walked two different malls. I did finally get three shirts that matched, but they were much more pricey than I would have liked. So, I wish that fabric makers would get their acts together and just make light blue, well, light blue. It would save us moms trying to find matching shirts for pictures so much time running around! And don't get me started on reds or navy blues! Ugh!

Happy 50th Anniversary Mom and Dad!

Upside Down Baby

The following pictures show Justin's new trick. He thinks it is so funny to be upside down and look through his legs at people! It is really cute! I have no idea why he feels the need to always lift one leg and it always seems to be his right leg! Maybe he does spend too much time with the dog! He does run with the dog to the door while barking, share his Milkbones, and at times share dog food too! If he starts licking and sniffing everything and rolling around in smelly things I may have to get him evaluated! I might have to worry if he chases small animals around the back yard and his ears start to perk up at the sound of a delivery truck!

pee-a-boo!

so-o-o-o funny!

Don't Fence Me In

I got the best deal on the baby yard from Craig's list. It was only $30 and it in excellent condition! It even came with the box! I am hoping that this will be a lifesaver at the pool and also at the beach this summer! Justin was not really a big fan of it and tried to climb out while screaming several times! I hope he gets used to it soon! (The pictures are better if you click on them to enlarge them to see his expressions!)

You cannot be serious.

I am less than thrilled
You know you want to pick me up!

Two Week Time-out

Sean was talking about kids in his school and how a lot of them get in trouble all the time. When they get in trouble he said his teacher would put them in time-out. So, of course I had to ask him about his behavior.

Me - Sean, who gets time-outs in school?
Sean - Kody and Logan.
Me - Do you every have to go to time-out?
Sean - No. Never!
Me - Are you sure?
Sean - Yes. Well, sometimes. Okay, like two weeks I was in time-out.

I was laughing so hard - I figure the truth is that he probably was in time-out somewhere between never and two weeks straight! I wonder if I will ever get a serious answer out of him!

Big Boy!

These are some before and after pictures of Justin's first haircut yesterday! He looks so cute and, sigh, so much older. It is amazing how just a little trim can transform a baby into a toddler and I didn't even cut much off! His eyes seem to 'pop' even more and I have to both smile and cry when I see how much he is growing up! My Mom trimmed a bit of the front Saturday and I did the rest on Sunday. I got him to sit still by putting him in his high chair and giving him two off limits toys. Yep, the telephone and the remote. Boy was he happy! So happy in fact that he barely noticed me cutting his hair! We start the bribery young around here!!!

before

before
after
after

Show-and-Tell #2

Here is my show-and-tell for this week. I stumbled upon this in the grocery store last week. I actually walked by and did a double take. I took the can into my hands and smiled. Memories flooded my mind and I was taken back to much younger years. Taken back to a time when my Grandmom, or Gram as we called her, was still with us. I miss her almost daily. We had such a special relationship and I know she would love that my daughter will share her name.

She always had Dainties hard candies. I remember searching through for my favorites like it was yesterday. Gram would always let me have a bowl to dump some into if I couldn't find what I wanted. I liked to find the pickles, the fish, the red cinnamon squares. So, foreseeing wonderful memories instilled in my kids, I put the can into my cart with a spring in my step.

Well, my spring was soon sprung. I was so excited to get home and share my wonderful treasure with Brian and Sean. I really talked up the surprise and I could see the excitement in their eyes. I took out the can and they just stared at it and then and me, and so on. If we were on a television show there would be crickets now chirping.

I thought that maybe, they didn't recognize good candy from the packaging so I quickly took off the lid and showed them the booty inside. They were still not impressed. I showed them the thin ones with chocolate in the middle, the pickle, the fish and the colored squares. Still nothing. I really thought that I might cry.

Okay, maybe they just needed to taste a piece. Maybe I hadn't been that excited until I tasted it either. Brian took a pickle after I assured him that it was not pickle flavored and Sean picked the fish because it had yellow in it. As the put the pieces into their mouths, I stared at them so I didn't miss their reactions.

Let's just say they were less than thrilled. Brian said it was okay and later threw his away and Sean spit his out right away. I was so disappointed. Their taste buds have been ruined by Airheads and Nerds and Baby Bottle Pops. I cannot imagine the same emotions evoked in them when they are parents and see a bag of glow in the dark sour gummy worms. It just cannot be the same. They don't know good candy when they see it. Oh well, more for me!!!

Danities

my favorites

After searching for some information on these candies. I came across some others that Gram used to have too! Boy did I love the Barley Toy lollipops. I am sure my kids would think they tasted even worse than the hard candy. I will have to see if I can find some of them. I also found chocolate straws! Yum! I love that little things can bring back so many happy memories and just make my day! Does anyone remember having these as a kid?

Barley Toys

Chocolate Straws

The Fertile

I was picking up Sean from school last week and overheard a conversation while I was waiting for him to come out of his classroom. Another mom has a four year old like Sean and a two year old. She was telling another mom that she was pregnant and wasn't really planning this one. She said she was happy but also a little disappointed to be going back to midnight feedings. My heart sank. (sigh)

So, now I cannot help but to hear the rest of the conversation. They are only a few feet away from me and not whispering or anything. The fertile tells her friend that they told all of their friends and family last week. The friend offers congratulations and asks how far along she is. The fertile proudly proclaims that she is five weeks and.... Then she glances up as if to think a minute and then continues to say that she is not five weeks, but six weeks exactly. Today! My heart plummeted a little lower. Ugh!

I sometimes feel cheated of this reckless abandonment. I cannot envision what it would be like to be pregnant and to not worry. I cannot imagine announcing a pregnancy to the world based on a pee stick. No blood test result, no ultra sound seen, no heart beat yet heard, no first trimester passed. The thought of it just blows my mind. I worried each day until they were placed in my arms, and then I worried even more! And I haven't stopped since!

Independent Baby

Justin has developed quite a little independent streak. He reminds me so much of Brian when he is like this. Brian, from a young age, wanted to do everything himself and Sean still wants to be taken care of and have things done for him. Justin wants to feed himself, he tries to help loosen the tabs on his diaper, he tries to put his shoes on by himself, and prefers to hold his own bottle.

I let him try with yogurt today. I gave him the container with only a spoonful left in it. He probably should have been in a high chair, but what fun would that be? He was so excited and kept glancing at me in disbelief like he was doing something wrong. It was so cute! He was also very proud of himself and proudly displayed his delight! You cannot tell by his face, but he did actually get some yogurt into his mouth! My baby is getting so big!

Yum!

deep in thought
Are you sure this is okay?
piggy face
good to the last slurp
messy face side view

One Month Down!!!

Well, that wasn't so bad, now was it? We are one month into our twelve month wait to be matched with our daughter. I hope that the rest of the time goes by this quickly! We have heard that wait times are increasing slightly and some changes have been made as to when the home studies are sent to Korea. But, if the wait time changes by a month or so I am okay with that. I know that whether we wait ten months or fifteen months that there is a baby at the end!

I wish our fertility treatments could have gone like this! I could deal with - yes, you are on the list. We cannot say when, but sometime in the next ten to twelve months, you will be pregnant! Wouldn't that be wonderful!?!

So, we will be submitting our advance processing paper work (I-600A) some time in August and that takes about 8-12 weeks to be approved. So when we get approval (I-171H) we will be close to half way into the wait! Baby steps, baby steps...

The Crime Scene

At first I was afraid to look closer when I saw this mess. I didn't really want to know what was running down my wall! It looked too purplish to be blood, so that was a relief! I got a little closer and still wasn't sure what it was. My first thought was that it looked kind of like bird droppings, yet we don't have a bird. Well, none that I know about anyway! I really hoped that the boys hadn't left a door open and let a bird in.

I got a baby wipe and picked up part of the mess on the window sill. After careful inspection, my fears were short lived! It was a mushy blueberry! I know that Sean was eating them earlier and quickly went to find him.

Me - Sean, why is there a blueberry on the wall.
Sean - (trying to look innocent) I don't know.
Me - Sean, I know you were eating blueberries.
Sean - Well, I only threw the yucky ones!
Me - What?
Sean - I don't like the squishy ones, so I throw them.
Me - Here is a wipe, go clean it up!
Sean - I always have to do this. I hate cleaning squishy blueberries!

I had to walk away before he saw me laugh! It was too funny! He acted like it was his horrible daily job to clean squished blueberries off of walls! I will gladly trade him some toilets to clean or wash to fold in place of cleaning a wall once in a while! He did a pretty good job cleaning up but I do know that this will probably not be the last of his messes that he has to clean up! I also found a few on the floor later in the day and I made him pick them up too! He made a face when he touched them like I was making him pick up poop or something! Kids!

the squished berry

point of impact

where it came to rest

Justin is Thirteen Months!

I feel like his birthday was just yesterday and here we are a month later already! I have no idea where Spring went! Justin is walking like a pro now and can even navigate uneven territory like grass and mulch! He has four new teeth second upper left (5/2/08), second lower right (5/14/08), second lower left (5/22/08) and second upper right (6/1/08)! He is also working on his molars which haven't broken through the skin yet, but there are huge, hard, painful looking lumps on his gums!

Justin still isn't speaking in actual words above his mom and dad and more talk. But, he is communicating more. He yells at his brothers and protests loudly when he is not allowed to do something. He also understands just about everything said to him. He can wave, clap, give kisses, get a ball, pick up a toy etc. when asked to.

He is still really enjoying his brothers. His face just lights up when they enter a room. It is funny because he searches and searches for them when they are not home or when he wakes up before them! Most of the time they are very tolerant of him - especially Brian!

I cannot wait to see what the next month brings!

fresh face!

another silly face
always on the move!
walking with the tongue out still!

The Answers

Wow, a lot of great guesses and a few correct answers! Thanks for playing! Here are the answers to Truth and Lies -

1. True. Yes, all the pledges got a turn to wear the suit and sing the "Passion for Fashion Song." We still laugh about it!

2. True. I did get my brother to eat toothpaste when we were younger. I still cannot believe he fell for it! But he was only about four years old and I was six!

3. True. Yep, I came home with the Tequila and a license plate. The tequila was gone by the end of that summer and the license plate I still have! Oh, I did come home with a t-shirt and some pottery too!

4. False. Nope, I passed with flying colors on my first try. The motor vehicle guy didn't even make me finish parallel parking because he could tell that I knew what I was doing! I backed in and then he said I could just pull out and keep going!

5. True. I did have to save a kid at a condo at the beach. He was only a little over a year and was leaning down to fill a bucket with water. His mom was in a chair sunbathing and fell asleep. We thought maybe she had heat stroke and passed out but she said she was fine.

Truth and Lies

I have seen a bunch of these on blogs and they look like so much fun! There are five statements below. One is false and the rest are true. See if you can guess which on is the lie! Answer to come soon! Good Luck!

1. I was in a sorority in college and had to wear a bright pink jumpsuit from the seventies while singing "I've got a passion for fashion."

2. I once got my brother to eat a tube of toothpaste by telling him there was a prize at the bottom like Cracker Jax.

3. I spent the summer before my senior year in Spain and came home with two bottles of Tequila and a stolen license plate.

4. I passed the written test for my driver's license, but had to take the driving part two times.

5. I had a job as a lifeguard the summer before college and had to save a small boy who had fallen into the pool when his Mom accidentally fell asleep.