Parenting

Sometimes I wonder how in the world my mom did it. By it, I mean, being a great mom. So many things about this 'job' are the most rewarding and meaningful times in my whole life. Yet other times are so hard and trying. You would think that three kids later that I would have it all figured out. But, alas, I don't.

And that is fine. Each day brings a new stage in development and new experiences. I know that I cannot possibly be prepared for all of them or know the right way to proceed in every given situation. That is the hard part for me. There are so many unknowns and what works for one kid may not work for the next. What works in one situation may not work in another. What works one day may not work the next. What doesn't work now may work later.

And beside all the unknowns I have trouble letting go. The boys going on class trips without me is hard, but I am not allowed to go on every trip. I also get nervous when they are in another car without me. I worry when they go on a play date by themselves to a house for the first time. I worry a little bit each time the door to the school closes behind them. I worry when I tuck them in at night. And them doing things on there own is a good thing. I know they need their space and time to grow and make decisions for themselves. It just ain't easy!

When I say I worry, I mean I think about it and hope for the best. I do not go insane or cry or require therapy. Well, I did shed a few tears on the first day of school - but not enough to require a tissue! It is just so difficult to see your heart running around in three different directions at once!

I think that my Mom had it all - and in all the right amounts. She really seemed to know what she was doing at all times. I wonder if my kids feel that way about me?

Motherhood is such a balance each and every day. Heck, every second of every day! Loving them and disciplining them. Letting go of them and holding them too tight. Helping them and hindering their progress. Teaching them and learning from them. Encouraging them and warning them. Letting them fall and catching them. Observing them and interfering with them. Being a parent and being a friend.

There is a happy medium but it takes the precision of a high wire walker. Luckily on most days I remember my balance stick! On other days my kids are my safety net; luckily they love me unconditionally, just as I love them!