South Korea Adoption

I have had a few questions over the past month or so - some in person and some through comments on the blog and e-mails. So I will try to answer them all in on place! I you can think of any others, please post them in the comments or send me an e-mail!

1. When will you get a referral?
We are thinking it will come about April or May 2009.

2. When will your daughter be coming home?
Our best guess is late summer/early fall of 2009, so a little over a year from now.

3. Why does it take so long until you can travel?
Well, I will explain that more after we get a referral but there a lot of steps for immigration, passport and visa. Each step has paperwork to be filed and approved and then sent onto the next place, most of which is by regular mail. The process takes about 4-6 months.

4. How old will she be?
South Korea, for years, has tried to increase domestic adoption. So, in order to make more children available for domestic adoption, they do not allow babies to be referred for international adoption until they are five months old. Most babies are around 5-7 months old at referral. Most arrive home at about 10-12 months old.

5. How much notice will you get before referral and travel?
We will get no notice before referral, we have a general timeline but beyond that it will be a surprise phone call. I cannot wait for that day! We will have a little more idea when the travel call is coming because we can track some of the paper work. We can probably narrow it down to within a few weeks, but again the actual day will be a surprise! I cannot wait for that day either! I believe that when we get the travel call, we have about two weeks to get to Korea, but I know I will never be able to wait that long!

6. Do you know who the birth mother is?
No, I have no idea and will probably never know who she is. The thing I do know is that she is pregnant with our baby-to-be right now. Somewhere a few time zones away, our daughter's heart is beating and her legs are kicking. It is so neat for me. Yet at the same time I realize that the birth mom must be so scared and be fighting with a huge decision. Birth mothers can make an adoption plan for their baby before or after birth, but no matching takes place until the baby is five months old. (It may be sooner if the baby is adopted domestically in Korea.)

7. Will your daughter ever be able to find out who her birth mother is?
That depends. I can send letters and updates to our adoption agency and they can forward them to the agency in Korea. That information will be put in a file. The birth mom can, at any time, go to the agency and ask if anything has been sent. If she chooses she may also leave notes or pictures for the baby. When our daughter is old enough we can ask if anything was left for her. I don't think it happens too often, but there is a chance. There is more of a chance for her/us to have correspondence with the foster family.

8. Is there any certain criteria they use in determining which child will be placed with you, or does it just happen when your name is next on the list?
There is a great effort made to match individual children with families. There is kind of a list which is kept in chronological order, but the fifth person on the list may get a referral before the first. I have heard that they match based on personality, family dynamics, special needs and medical concerns. We had a huge list of medical issues that we had to agree or not agree to. Also, some agencies allow you to pick the gender in certain circumstances. We were allowed to request a girl because we have two or more boys in our home already; the other time you can request a girl is if you have previously adopted a boy from Korea in the past. Everyone that I talk to says that the child they were matched with is a perfect fit!

9. How much does it cost?
These amounts vary from agency to agency and from state to state. I think we will have spent about $25-30,000 by the time the adoption is finalized. A big lump of the cost is paid to Korea. This money is used for medical care and necessities for those babies still waiting to be matched with families. It also goes to help support the foster parents.

10. Why are there so many babies available? Why are there more boys now?
Korea is very different from the United States. They are on par with things like technology and medical treatments. But it is still a male driven society. Family lineage is very important. A single young woman who is pregnant or has a baby outside of marriage can be shunned by her family, unable to get a job, denied from renting an apartment and ostracized by society. They almost have no choice except adoption if they are to have any kind of life for themselves. It is not even a matter of money and resources.

Domestic adoption is increasing every year and the Korean government is giving incentives to families that adopt. The goal of the government is to eventually phase out international adoption. Since Korean society is patriarchal, all lineage is tied to the man's family. When a woman gets married she inherits her husbands lineage. Adopting a daughter gives her a chance to have this when she marries. An adopted son would have no family name or register and would have a much harder time in society.

11. What are you doing now?
Right now we are what is called "officially waiting" or the term I like "paper pregnant!" We have to file our I-600A which is the immigration pre-approval. We will do that in early August. That form takes about 8-12 weeks to approve. When we get the approval, we should be about half way through the wait! Cannot wait to start crossing more things off the list!

12. Do you have a number on the waiting list?
No, not with our agency. See question #8 for more details. We do get a monthly e-mail update from our agency with recent time lines, which month(s) they are up to with referral and which month(s) they are up to with travel calls. For example, it will say the current time frame from application to placement is X amount of months and we have assigned families for girls though X month and for boys though X month. Then it will say families through X month have received travel calls. (I am not allowed to post specific information here or on any other public forum.)