Adoption Meeting

Brian and I had an adoption meeting today. It was one of our required classes - it was from 10-12 and then lunch from 12-1 and then class from 1-3. We only had two other couples in our group, so that was really nice! We did get some good information but most of it was geared toward childless couples. They went into bonding and attachment issues and some basic child care. We talked about what it means to be adopted and the grieving that kids can go through at all different ages. We did learn some interesting facts about adoption in general and also some "scary" things!

First the adoption facts - the term "up for adoption" came in the 1800's because kids were put on trains to be adopted. Sometimes the kids were just rounded up off the streets against their will and their parents' will! When they arrived at their destination, the kids were "put up"
on a platform and picked by prospective parents! Can you imagine?

The scary part to me is that since our daughter will be around eight to ten months old when she arrives home with us, she will miss her foster parents and grieve for them. She may be very angry, or "spacey" and even refuse to make eye contact or cuddle with us. She may search and search the house for them and cry when she cannot find them. Everything will be new to her - faces, sights, sounds, smells! It will be like us being dropped off in a foreign country and sent to live with people that we don't know and we have no idea what they are saying. Sounds pretty scary to me.

The good news is that they all begin to bond and trust again. They have been loved and well taken care of, even spoiled, by their foster families and that means a lot to me. They know how to love and how to trust - it just takes a little while for those bonds to form again. I have to say that a few times I got teary eyed talking about the losses that the birth mother, foster mother and baby will go through. I will be happy to have her but will never forget the sacrifices that others made to give her a better life.

Another interesting thing is that she will be used to sleeping on a mat on the floor with her foster mom! Yikes! So she will have no idea what a crib is or how to sleep by herself - I foresee more sleepless nights than I had with Brian, Sean and Justin combined. The other thing is that she will be used to being carried most of the day. The women in South Korea go about their days and errands and chores with babies on their backs! I can not imagine toting Justin around all day! The good thing is that this closeness helps to strengthen the mother/child bonds even quicker.

Finishing this class brings us one step closer to bringing Kathryn home! We have two more classes to do over the next 12 months or so - we just need to have them completed by the time we get a referral! Our home study packet is almost finished and then we will receive an invoice for our home visits. After that - more fingerprints and USCIS clearance and paper work will all be send to Korea and the big wait begins! But I hear that the wait to travel, even though it is shorter, is much harder than the wait for referral. While you are waiting to travel, you know who your child is and yet you have to wait until you can meet her! Ugh!