We have all read a few direction labels on products. A lot of them start with "For best results..." Some of them we listen too - like how much medication to give our kids, and others we do not - like how much medication to give ourselves. I am definitely guilty of taking an extra pain reliever or a little more cough syrup and then also taking it a little before the four to six hour time window. Some warnings and directions are for good reason and others are not. Some make complete and common sense - others do not.
Did you ever read the shampoo bottle? Most say something like, "Lather, rinse well and repeat." I have never in my life "repeated." Well, not with shampoo anyway! To me, it is just a ploy to make you use and then buy more shampoo. Then there are spray cleaners - "For best results do not spray directly into eyes." Wow glad that was on there - I wasn't sure if it could remove the grease that I splattered in my eyes last night! And the little packets that come with shoes - "Do not ingest" Well, if you are old enough to read, you are old enough to know that shoes don't come with free candy pellets! The directions with my iron say to not come into contact with the hot surface while iron is on. Okay, if you didn't know this then you should not own an iron! Batteries say not to eat them - although if it would power me like a certain bunny...just joking! And in case you forgot do not throw arousal cans into an open flame!
I am hear to tell you that there is one warning that must be taken seriously. The one on the potty wipes says, "For best results, do not flush more than one or two wipes at a time." Do you want the good news or the bad news first? The good news? Okay. Sean wiped himself for the first time today and yes, when he told me there was a Hallelujah chorus playing in my head! Wow this school does wonders - wiping conquered on the first day! Money well spent! Like most things in my life, the good and bad usually come in pairs. As I am jumping up and down and congratulating him, I hear the sound of running water. Nervously, I ask him, "Sean did you leave the sink on?" Sean says, "Nope, I didn't wash my hands." Not really surprised.
So, then I go into the bathroom, and the toilet is overflowing. And not just a little water - it is pouring out like we got four inches of rain in half an hour water. The bathroom is flooded and the water is running onto the floor outside the bathroom. It is all along the walls and my mind wanders to the thoughts of dirty toilet water running down the insides of the walls. I shake my head and try to not think about it. I peer into the toilet and their is a wad of wipes about the size of a softball sitting in the bottom of the toilet.
I ask him, "Sean how many wipes did you use?" He says, "Um, well, one?" Um well try again. I give him a stern look. So now he says, "I counted up to ten but some were stuck together too." Great - at least ten wipes - probably more, were all flushed at once. Sean asks in a timid voice, "Mom are you mad? I did it all by myself." I was mad at first because I know he has heard his brother get in trouble for using too many wipes. I don't think Brian ever made it past eight, so now we have a new record in the house! Go Sean, Go Sean! But I am so-o-o happy that he finally attempted to wipe himself. So I tell him, "No I am not mad but you need to only use one wipe next time." Sean replies, "Sure, Mom."
I send Sean upstairs to get towels and just stare at the toilet. Just stare like when you have a dreaded task that you don't want to do but have to because there is no one waiting to relieve you. A light bulb goes off. I go to the kitchen and get a pair of tongs. They came from the dollar store so I can just throw them away and buy some new ones - I told you I could rationalize. I figure I can grab the wad of wipes with the tongs and put them right in the trash! I grab the wad with the tongs and almost have it out. Then all of a sudden the suction breaks and the wad is sucked out of the tongs and down the toilet. Ugh! I curse the cheap dollar store tongs!
Now the wad is stuck down too far for the tongs to reach. Time to stare at the toilet again while standing on towels soaked with potty water. I guess I will try the plunger. It takes a few minutes but the plunger works and I hear that wonderful sound of the toilet completing its flush! Hallelujah sounds in my head again! But on the last plunge, the plunger turns inside out. Time to stare again - this time at the plunger. Got it. I hold down the toilet seat and try to scrape the plunger against the inside to flip it back around. It works but I also manage to spray toilet water all over my face and clothes and most of the bathroom when it snaps back into place.
Now I am thinking that I should have just sucked it up and grabbed the wad with my hand. The whole point of the tongs was to not put my hand in the toilet and now I have dirty bacteria ridden water all over my face and clothes. Not to mention now I have to clean and sanitize the walls in the bathroom and not just the floors. But I know myself too well and next time it happens - No, I am not naive enough to think it won't happen again - I won't want to stick my hand in the toilet either!
But I do expect my kids to learn from their mistakes. Do as I say, not as I do! Right? So heed to the warning on the potty wipes. They are serious. But I think instead of "For best results", they should tell you what will really happen after ten or more wipes get flushed. They can even use this story for an insert. Or maybe even just the word "warning" with a big stop sign to better get your attention. Don't worry I didn't take any pictures...maybe next time!
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